Thursday, December 4, 2008

Kouda Entry_100: Anger Management

Aite, I wanted to do sumthin sumwhat special to celebrate my 100th post. But then I thought, "screw it". Lol.

So, instead, I'm gonna show you sumthin that if my dad finds out, he'll ship me off to India...

No, he didn't catch me pleasuring myself, u perverts. As if. Now get those filthy thoughts out of your kinky minds. Hish.

Aite, so let's start at the top. One morning, about 2 days ago, I was minding my own business, sleeping n all. And then my mom woke me up by ramming her fists on my bedroom door. And I was like, "For the love of Lucifer's unholy mother, who in the right mind wud go knocking on a person's door....at 9am...!?". I had a late night, shut up.

So, yea, as it turns out, mom sed that daddy dearest wanted me to pick em up at some workshop near his office. The last time he asked me that, I ended up getting lost, and he called someone else XD.
Ok, there I was, my hair twisted up all over the place, my eyes bloodshot (exaggerate), my eyebags wud shame even the Grand Canyon, and don't even get me started on my morning breath. O_o. . . icks. Mom decided it was a bright idea to give me directions while the left side of my brain was still out cold. Then, I was like "uh, yea, uhuh, wut? Amik papa?". And FINALLY, it occurred to her that I should probably take a shower before she landed me with the whole "go fetch the guy who gave half your genes" idea.

We all know it takes me 30 minutes (give or take) to finish showering. ... ... WAAAT? Is it a crime to be hygienic? And NO, I don't abuse my shower lotions. Hish, perverts. XD.

So, long story (and shower) short, I went to the car, and that's when all the retarded karma in the world decided to bite my in my skinny ass. Let's take this step by step, shall we:

1. I pressed remote to unlock the car. Nothing happened.
2. I pressed again. Nothing happened.
3. I broke my finger by pressing on the button to hard. Nothing happened. (>_>)
4. I cursed (yay!)
5. I shoved the car keys into the door. It opens.
6. The godforsaken alarm starts to blare. It naturally happens whenever you shove something into something else. You guys should try it sometime.
7. I cursed (yay!)
8. I pressed the remote again. Nothing happened (yay!). Alarm still blaring.
9. I started the car, hoping the screaming bitch of a security system wud put a cork in it. But nothing happened.
10. I tried the hazard lights (for wutever reason, i dunno. Hahahaha~), nuthin happened (duh).
11. I turned off the hazard lights, but the lights won't turn off. WTF?
12. I cursed (everybody do "the wave"~)
13. I pulled the keys out, alarm still alarming, hazard lights still...uh..hazarding (lol).
14. Then, the alarm suddenly decided to give it a rest. (thank god).
15. I got out, closed the door, and took a look at the blinking hazard lights.
16. The lights suddenly stops. (THANK GOD~)
17. I opened the car door again, hoping to finally get the day started with.
18. THE GODDAMN ALARM STARTS BLARING AGAIN. (and the remote still won't work)
19. I cursed out loud (i think mommy dearest heard me. lol)
20. Finale; I (literally) rammed my right foot into the car door.

That's right people, Kyo kicked a car right in the gonads. And this is the result;


Is That a Footprint? Lol.

Ahaha, well it's not much of a dent, but if dad finds out it I went medieval on that old rustbucket, he'd put a real dent on MY face. Lol.

Ey, I didn't kick it all that hard. It's not my fault the damn thing is more flimsy than even UiTM's finest limp-wristed queen. If it can't withstand a feather-light kick from sweet innocent Kyo, how the hell is that thing supposed to protect me from a car crash? I'm gonna sue Daihatsu, or whoever it is I can sue. Yes, this makes no sense. XD.

Lesson is, if you're gonna kick something, make sure it's something that has flesh. You might end up on a wanted poster for randomly assaulting a pedestrian, but at least it'll feel good. And most importantly, it won't dent. Haha~.

This ends our Anger Management session for today. Remember, when you feel like strangling someone, take a deep breath, and make sure you leave no witnesses.