Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Kouda Entry_47: Antisocial

(Note: What I am about to babble on has nothing to do with the people in my YM list ^_^)

We all know that I'm not the friendliest of people. Well, i can be friendly, I just choose to be friendly to a few people. And at different levels of friendliness at that.

Like any healthy 21-year olds, I like to hang out with my frens. Albeit to a certain extent. And usually, I only hang out with them when its not too much of a hassle to me. And "hassle" can be any number of things to me. For example, my classmates, who i get along with very well; Azi, Shakir, Rai and Zana. Now, these people have somewhat broken the barrier of my antisocial-ness, respectively. Even if I hanged out with them on a daily basis, it wudn't bug me so much (ceteris paribus. Lol.)

Now, there is a number of people who I know, keep confusing my "politeness" as "being a good friend". There's a thin line between those 2 things, people. A line that only a select few may see. I am not one of the few. Which is why i do not "befriend" people all to easily. Which is why I may come off as "shy", "arrogant", "ignorant" and as the malays call it "poyo" (sounds pretty retarded for an insult, eh?).

I don't know how to make friends. It simply happens. And that, in my opinion, is the best kind of friendship. The kind that simply occurs without u noticing.

However, the aforementioned people who confuse "politeness" with "friend" shit is the worst at this. These are the kind that seek too much attention. I say this because they sometimes seek attention from ME. Which I find to be pathetic and sad. I have barely enough attention span for myself, let alone to spare for u inconsiderate knuckleheads.

I'm not trying to be mean. Nor am I being a jackass. I am simply tired of the people that keep bugging me, especially when I want nothing but to be left alone. I especially despise the sentence "I want to see you". Honestly. I have to say that I utterly loath that sentence. It is groundless, it is vague and implies that you simply want to get me out of my way just to please you. I fuckin hate it. If one of the 4 friends i mentioned above were to say it, I will consider it with great concern. But for a random acquaintance to utter that sentence to me, it fills me with great annoyance and frustration.

I can be antisocial. But only because I refuse to let people use me as they please. Only because I tend to compromise my needs to fulfill others'. Only because I am too easily manipulated, too gullible for my own good.

I hate people. Etch every last syllable of that sentence into your skull. I despise these repulsive beings. It sickens me to know that I have to bow down to their needs as they please. It frustrates me that they use their words, saying how hurt they are, only to weaken me, and bend me to their will.

I fucking detest those repugnant reprobates who refuse to latch off from me. Those bipedal parasites that insists on sucking me dry. Insist on making me feel guilty.

Leave me the fuck alone. I have far too many crap to worry about to deal with you degenarates.